Total chaos

Who needs lyrics?

I wanted to take some time to consider the debacle that was Super Bowl XLV, known as the North Texas Super Bowl.

Consider the seating travesty. The botched national anthem. The weather. The injuries due to the falling ice. The seemingly countless number of stolen laptops and briefcases with "sensitive" information. The gates being closed. The fingerpointing.

I was talking with a friend yesterday, and I asked, "Why can't we do anything right?"

Two weeks before the Super Bowl, I wrote a small post about the Super Bowl not seeming real. As if there were all these things that should be happening that weren't. That absence, that void did not feel right.

Quite literally, between the time we learned the area got a Super Bowl, Dallas, Fort Worth and the surrounding areas haven't changed. I dare the city of Arlington to show me all the hotels that were supposed to go up. No alternative means of transportation were brought in. Nothing was done to deal with traffic.

All we had was that dumb stadium. I actually kind of hate that stadium now. It represents how disastrous the last week has been and how embarrassed I was seeing outsiders skate across highways, brave cold temperatures, write stories based little on the game and more all the inane bullshit that surrounded it.

It was Dallas-Fort Worth's time to shine. Instead, it drooped and waited for someone or something to save it.

There were ways to anticipate all of this. There was a chance that bad weather would hit the area in February. A week before, we knew it was coming. Why wasn't salt used? Why weren't more trucks brought in. Not just more for Dallas and Fort Worth. I mean as many trucks as Chicago or Boston might have in a icy, wintery storm.

Then there's the seating issue. Clearly, it was an inept confluence of the fire marshal/city, Jerry Jones, the NFL and the contractor just fucking everything up.

Only in Dallas. Where our general manager and the guy putting this shindig together is seen photographed at bars and clubs with girls that could be his granddaughters.

Only in a city where a jock-sniffing city councilman would give a Philadelphia Eagle -- and convicted felon -- a key to the city. Whilst there was a 100 percent chance that same councilman would not give Ben Roethlisberger even a punch in the arm. And we know why -- and it has nothing to do with rape as much as it does race.

Only in a city that allows the marquee franchise to build their world-renown stadium in a suburb. Then invest $50 million in a football stadium that no one wants to play in.

Only in a city that allows its best and foremost baseball player get so disgruntled that he wants a trade from a World Series team.

For whatever reason, we can do nothing right.

We do not deserve another Super Bowl. I hope we don't get one. It's just another opportunity to screw it up.

Super Bowl update, gameday edition

Look at lil' DFW. Shows up on gameday with 45-degree temperatures and sunny skies. Good for us.

It's the day of the game, a mere hour-and-a-half until those guys go out and play the game of their lives.

I'm sticking to what I did in the conference championships. I'm going with my heart.

Pittsburgh 24, Green Bay 20

When I learned the Packers and Steelers would play in the Super Bowl, my initial gut reaction was that Ben Roethlisberger was going to win Super Bowl No. 3, Mike Tomlin will win ring No. 2 and the Steelers will solidify themselves as the greatest NFL franchise in history.

When I go with my heart and ignore all the talk and press swirling around me, I always find I do pretty well.

Pittsburgh is just too much. They're the only team I know where the whole starting offensive line could get food poisoning at a Jack in the Box and miss the game, and I would still pick them. Whatever they do, whatever Tomlin does to motivate them, it works. It just does. Why fight it? I'm going with it.

Another good point made to solidify my pick was someone mentioning how the Steelers aren't necessarily a run-first, low-scoring, stout defense team. Mike Wallace and Antonio Brown can spread the field. Hines Ward is as reliable as Big Ben (the clock ... not the cock). Heath Miller is probably a top five tight end in the game. Rashard Mendenhall's contributions are just icing on the cake.

I do, however, feel it's going to be a really good game. I'm actually kind of pumped about it.

Super Bowl update, Saturday edition

One day left. The verdict is in. The North Texas Super Bowl is a disaster. Or so say the media members.

What's odd is that some of the criticism is marked for people living in Dallas-Fort Worth. As if A) we have control over meteorlogical events; B) as if we planned this shindig; and C) as if we get snow and ice all the time.

Listen here, assholes:

1. Getting an inch of ice, day after day of 15-degree weather and then SIX inches of snow NEVER, EVER, EVER happens. Just hasn't. Not in my 30 years and I very much doubt in the 30 years before that. It's shitty luck.

2. For you New Yorkers or New Englanders, you're right. We freak out at ice and snow. We also know that people from your part of the country get this four three or four months a year. WE GET IT! However, there's a reason we live in Texas and not New York or Boston or Chicago. Because we don't like ice, sleet, snow and below-freezing temperatures. We don't like it. We don't know how to drive in it. Our governments aren't prepared for it. We freak out about it.

I invite all of you back in August after the 20th straight day of 110-degree temperatures and then you can tell us how weather works.

3. None of this is our fault. For every member of the Super Bowl Committee there are a million people in this area that just have normal jobs making normal pay. We could give a shit about the Super Bowl outside of the restaurant owners and hoteliers that are striking out.

Get the fuck over it.

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Whilst Peter King is having a hard time getting his fucking Starbucks and other media members can't get to the strip club, six people were injured at the stadium from falling ice. Perspective, assholes.

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Jeff Pearlman on Jack Squirek.

Super Bowl update, Friday edition

Two inches of snow over night to acculmulate on icy roads. Welcome to Dallas-Fort Worth, NFL!

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Intersting article on how Jerry Jones is making profit on the Super Bowl. It's well known that owners never make money on the Super Bowl as everything goes to the NFL. But Jones owns all the concessions in addition to Papa Johns. Also, it's estimated that $10 million of the stadium will be paid off thanks to parking and ticket taxes.

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Highland Park impresses the Green Bay Packers.

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Vince Lombardi's house.

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Great profile on Mike Tomlin, who I think is the best head coach in the NFL.

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Troy Aikman says that, despite weather, North Texas will get another Super Bowl. He's smarter than me, but I disagree.

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A third Super Bowl title equals Hall of Fame, right? How about three rape accusations?

Super Bowl update, Thursday edition

I have actually read and heard very little about the potential work stoppage and collective bargaining agreement during this week celebrating the NFL. I understand the NFL playing it down. But why the players?

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Jeff Pearlman looks back at Super Bowl XXX, the Steelers-Cowboys match-up. Did not realize that the Cowboys were 13.5 point favorites. Neil O'Donnell. Larry Brown.

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Gambling!

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It wasn't long ago that everyone thought Charles Woodson was washed up. Today, he's probably the best cornerback (possibly defender) in the NFL.

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Jerry Jones and a 22-GAME SEASON!!!!!

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Ben Roethlisberger goes a-drinking at Pete's Piano Bar, douchebag central to begin with. Nobody has a problem with the drinking. It's the raping we cringe at.

Super Bowl update, Wednesday edition

Dallas-Fort Worth is on official lockdown. It's fucking cold. In fact, everyone should be in awe of the terrible luck the area has had. They get a Super Bowl and an ice storm rolls in as do temperatures not seen in decades. Yay!

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Someone named "Les" was the first to bite on the "The Super Bowl needs to be in a city that can guarantee warm weather." For one, anyone named "Les" is a douchebag. Two, whilst I don't disagree, writers who pen these annual columns never provide good reasons. Three, I just think it pisses them off because it's tougher to get a prostitute.

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The only decent Super Bowl story is Brett Keisel's beard.

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Why is Hines Ward a turdburger? Because he's now denying going to a strip club. Give me a degenerate asshole, who admits to his jaunts than a egotistical, self-righteous prick.

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Ben Roethlisberger handles the criticism and question of media day with the poise and charm of a rapist.

Super Bowl update, Tuesday edition

Half inch of ice on the roads. Everything closed. Welcome to Dallas, NFL!

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The rhetoric between the different cities and suburbs has been, by far, the most obnoxious side story of this Super Bowl. NOBODY CARES!

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Some elephant thinks the Green Bay Packers will win. Do aliens spy on us from outer space and think we're the dumbest turds in the universe?

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Again, it's not as if letting Flozell Adams go was the worst idea, but it tells a very harrowing story about the Dallas Cowboys' leadership, coaching and talent evaluation. That should depress you.

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So, is Roger Goodell the worst NFL Commissioner ever?

Super Bowl update, Monday edition

It's not cold ... it's your imagination

It's about to get cold as shit! Come back in five years, NFL! Pleeeeeaaassssssseeeeee!

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Another bad sign: The Ticket's Dunham & Miller show disintegrated live from media row this morning for about seven minutes. Seriously. Dallas is awesome!

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Disjointed and forced newspaper column of the day: From Kevin Sherrington, who is attempting to communicate something. I just don't know what.

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Bill Clinton is not coming to the Super Bowl.

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The absolute worst media member in Dallas-Fort Worth is Steve Blow. Whilst the schools and city are in utter turmoil, he writes a column about the whole "North Texas" distinction that is allegedly plaguing the Super Bowl.

Guess what? No one cares. You couldn't say "Dallas" or "Fort Worth" because that's not where the game is. Jerry Jones wanted to build that stadium in any other city and Dallas had every opportunity to get it in their city limits. They shit the bed. Arlington pounced on it. Let's move along.

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I hate to disappoint everyone, but no one 35 years or younger care about the Pittsburgh Steelers. Thusly, a good majority of Dallas Cowboys fans care that the Steelers could win a Super Bowl in Dallas. It doesn't matter. People my age don't remember those Steelers-Cowboys Super Bowls. Terry Bradshaw is the bald guy on the pre-game show on FOX.

What the Cowboys should know is that 30-year-old Cowboys fans care a lot that the Steelers seem to win and win a lot. All their draft picks work. Their ownership is stable. Their GM is virtually unknown and he is nothing but gold.

Four things that'll sink the Super Bowl

The shitty of ... city of Dallas

The thing with Jerry Jones getting that gigantic stadium built wasn't about getting the 2011 Super Bowl.

It was about getting the 2011, 2016 and 2021 Super Bowls. It was about Dallas-Fort Worth-Arlington being in the regular Super Bowl city rotation.

New Orleans. Miami. San Diego. Tampa.

Dallas.

With that said, Dallas-Fort Worth and all the cities in between, on top and in bottom (and ... that's what she said) need to absolutely nail this Super Bowl. (and ...)

This next week will be a mix of a house showing, meeting your girlfriend's parents for the first time, interviewing a counselor for potential adoption and preparing to meet with Child Protective Services.

For the record, I said last week I didn't feel the Super Bowl is real. I feel this way because there was almost zero infrastructure changes made. Aside from some new, expanded or changed roadways around the Cowboys Stadium, there's been little changes to our infrastructure. And I think a lot of our infrastructure is flawed for welcoming thousands of outsiders for a week.

Here are four things Jones, Roger Staubach and others do not want to happen.

Bad Weather
Last year, it fucking snowed during the NBA All-Star Weekend. The NFL loves warm, comfortable weather -- dome or no. Indianapolis will not get a second Super Bowl. Neither will New York/New Jersey. Rotation cities are warm-weather cities. Dallas needs mid-60s or low-70s, no precipitation or "Texas" weather ("Don't like the weather in Texas? Just wait 15 minutes!) (The forecast has us at high-50s.)

Dallas vs. Fort Worth
I attended a girls' high school basketball tournament in Parker County. I organizers I was from Dallas. The dude said, "You know you're west of 360. That's Fort Worth territory." Literally. Note: Fort Worth is in Tarrant County and Hwy. 360 is a slab of asphalt that allegedly means something.

I saw Dallas Cowboys great Walt Garrison taking a dump on Dallas on TV the other day. I've lived in this area for a long, long time (like, 26 years) and I never truly realized the alleged anonmosity between these cities. Actually, I htink it's like Texas vs. Texas A&M. A&M (Fort Worth) really cares a lot. Texas (Dallas) doesn't care. Dallas appreciates and likes to contrast itself from Fort Worth. Meanwhile, Fort Worth goes out of its way to trash Dallas' traffic, crime, attitude and fast-paced lifestyle. Nevermind Fort Worth's traffic and ... um ... crime. Just hope the bickering and bullshit doesn't bleed over to our visitors who just want to know where to get some barbecue.

Traffic
I have a long commute. I drive a lot in and around the Metroplex. Traffic has been pretty good as of late. However, this is without the thousands of rental cars that will come with the media, fans, visitors, corporate jackwagons, NFL folk and team people this weekend. Dallas-Fort Worth has no real public transportation so these people will no choice but to get on the roads. And none of them will know alternate routes or the various other highways available for traffic. Good luck if you're on 360, I-35, I-20 and I-30.

People Get Bored
Fort Worth is fine. It has a downtown. I wouldn't get out of downtown becuase you might get stabbed in the face. However, the Stockyards, Sundance Square and the bulk of downtown Fort Worth will provide visitors plenty of shit to do.

Dallas and Arlington? Yikes. The thing with Dallas is that it has more actual areas for strip clubs, bars and restaurants, but you can't find them unless you know where they're at. There's Greenville, Knox-Henderson, Uptown, Northwest Highway and the like should be popular places to frequent. Explain that to the guy from Chicago, Seattle, Norfolk and Miami. It might become too much and they get bored and restless. Journalists need their strip clubs and alcohol.

Always follow your heart

Looks like someone pleased the Beard Gods

This morning, I gave my feeble thoughts on the Conference Championship games noting that with my predictions I was following my gut feelings on both games.

I had Pittsburgh and Green Bay both winning and covering the line. Both did.

My reasoning was that both teams had A) the superior quarterback; and B) the superior defense. If one team has both in any given contest, you got to go with them.

Green Bay 21, Chicago 14
The Bears probably weren't winning anyway, but they sure as hell weren't winning with the third-string quarterback. I don't know what to say about Jay Cutler. I like him as a quarterback. Unfortunately, he might be the biggest turdburger in professional sports. If it turns out his knee is badly injured, then he has an excuse. But he looked about as interested as being at that game as a pimp at church. And if he was seriously hurt, why don't you have him in the lockerroom getting treatments and stuff? Why was he standing up? I don't know. There is no tomorrow, and they're field general spent it on the sidelines in a big coat.

On the other side, we totally underestimated the Green Bay Packers for the last 19 weeks. Not that they helped things, but that defense is about as good as it gets.

Pittsburgh 24, New York 19
Again, you go with defense and the quarterback. The D absolutely stole the show in the first half. Then, Ben Roethlisberger does it again: Third down with a couple minutes left and you need five yards. He hits Antonio Brown. Game. The J-E-T-S go home. Roethlisberger makes big plays. The Jets didn't. Also, I thought pundits discounted Rashard Mendenhall and the Steelers run game too much. I thought they'd get room to run. They did. Mendenhall set up countless third-and-shorts and blistered the time of possession. The final score looks close, but we all know who the better team was.

Two weeks. In Dallas. Pittsburgh and Green Bay. Sounds juicy.

The Super Bowl does not feel real

Jerry Jones is ready

According to the clock on The Dallas Morning News' new website that's been taking up space for the last year, the Super Bowl is 16 days and two hours away.

Seems a decade ago that we learned that JerryWorld was awarded the Super Bowl. Excitement was high. It's waned and now it doesn't feel real.

More importantly, it doesn't feel that anyone's ready. Except this strip club. I've seen signage and other flair around town.

However, didn't we hear about all the great stuff that was going to be built for the Super Bowl, like a light-rail line to Arlington? Hotels, restaurants and shit?

Where's all this awesome stuff?

Instead, we've got some new roads around the Turd on the Turnpike. That's about it.

It seems so unreal and we in Dallas and Fort Worth seem very unprepared.