Super Bowl update, Saturday edition

One day left. The verdict is in. The North Texas Super Bowl is a disaster. Or so say the media members.

What's odd is that some of the criticism is marked for people living in Dallas-Fort Worth. As if A) we have control over meteorlogical events; B) as if we planned this shindig; and C) as if we get snow and ice all the time.

Listen here, assholes:

1. Getting an inch of ice, day after day of 15-degree weather and then SIX inches of snow NEVER, EVER, EVER happens. Just hasn't. Not in my 30 years and I very much doubt in the 30 years before that. It's shitty luck.

2. For you New Yorkers or New Englanders, you're right. We freak out at ice and snow. We also know that people from your part of the country get this four three or four months a year. WE GET IT! However, there's a reason we live in Texas and not New York or Boston or Chicago. Because we don't like ice, sleet, snow and below-freezing temperatures. We don't like it. We don't know how to drive in it. Our governments aren't prepared for it. We freak out about it.

I invite all of you back in August after the 20th straight day of 110-degree temperatures and then you can tell us how weather works.

3. None of this is our fault. For every member of the Super Bowl Committee there are a million people in this area that just have normal jobs making normal pay. We could give a shit about the Super Bowl outside of the restaurant owners and hoteliers that are striking out.

Get the fuck over it.

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Whilst Peter King is having a hard time getting his fucking Starbucks and other media members can't get to the strip club, six people were injured at the stadium from falling ice. Perspective, assholes.

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Jeff Pearlman on Jack Squirek.

Super Bowl update, Thursday edition

I have actually read and heard very little about the potential work stoppage and collective bargaining agreement during this week celebrating the NFL. I understand the NFL playing it down. But why the players?

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Jeff Pearlman looks back at Super Bowl XXX, the Steelers-Cowboys match-up. Did not realize that the Cowboys were 13.5 point favorites. Neil O'Donnell. Larry Brown.

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Gambling!

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It wasn't long ago that everyone thought Charles Woodson was washed up. Today, he's probably the best cornerback (possibly defender) in the NFL.

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Jerry Jones and a 22-GAME SEASON!!!!!

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Ben Roethlisberger goes a-drinking at Pete's Piano Bar, douchebag central to begin with. Nobody has a problem with the drinking. It's the raping we cringe at.

Super Bowl update, Monday edition

It's not cold ... it's your imagination

It's about to get cold as shit! Come back in five years, NFL! Pleeeeeaaassssssseeeeee!

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Another bad sign: The Ticket's Dunham & Miller show disintegrated live from media row this morning for about seven minutes. Seriously. Dallas is awesome!

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Disjointed and forced newspaper column of the day: From Kevin Sherrington, who is attempting to communicate something. I just don't know what.

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Bill Clinton is not coming to the Super Bowl.

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The absolute worst media member in Dallas-Fort Worth is Steve Blow. Whilst the schools and city are in utter turmoil, he writes a column about the whole "North Texas" distinction that is allegedly plaguing the Super Bowl.

Guess what? No one cares. You couldn't say "Dallas" or "Fort Worth" because that's not where the game is. Jerry Jones wanted to build that stadium in any other city and Dallas had every opportunity to get it in their city limits. They shit the bed. Arlington pounced on it. Let's move along.

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I hate to disappoint everyone, but no one 35 years or younger care about the Pittsburgh Steelers. Thusly, a good majority of Dallas Cowboys fans care that the Steelers could win a Super Bowl in Dallas. It doesn't matter. People my age don't remember those Steelers-Cowboys Super Bowls. Terry Bradshaw is the bald guy on the pre-game show on FOX.

What the Cowboys should know is that 30-year-old Cowboys fans care a lot that the Steelers seem to win and win a lot. All their draft picks work. Their ownership is stable. Their GM is virtually unknown and he is nothing but gold.

Four things that'll sink the Super Bowl

The shitty of ... city of Dallas

The thing with Jerry Jones getting that gigantic stadium built wasn't about getting the 2011 Super Bowl.

It was about getting the 2011, 2016 and 2021 Super Bowls. It was about Dallas-Fort Worth-Arlington being in the regular Super Bowl city rotation.

New Orleans. Miami. San Diego. Tampa.

Dallas.

With that said, Dallas-Fort Worth and all the cities in between, on top and in bottom (and ... that's what she said) need to absolutely nail this Super Bowl. (and ...)

This next week will be a mix of a house showing, meeting your girlfriend's parents for the first time, interviewing a counselor for potential adoption and preparing to meet with Child Protective Services.

For the record, I said last week I didn't feel the Super Bowl is real. I feel this way because there was almost zero infrastructure changes made. Aside from some new, expanded or changed roadways around the Cowboys Stadium, there's been little changes to our infrastructure. And I think a lot of our infrastructure is flawed for welcoming thousands of outsiders for a week.

Here are four things Jones, Roger Staubach and others do not want to happen.

Bad Weather
Last year, it fucking snowed during the NBA All-Star Weekend. The NFL loves warm, comfortable weather -- dome or no. Indianapolis will not get a second Super Bowl. Neither will New York/New Jersey. Rotation cities are warm-weather cities. Dallas needs mid-60s or low-70s, no precipitation or "Texas" weather ("Don't like the weather in Texas? Just wait 15 minutes!) (The forecast has us at high-50s.)

Dallas vs. Fort Worth
I attended a girls' high school basketball tournament in Parker County. I organizers I was from Dallas. The dude said, "You know you're west of 360. That's Fort Worth territory." Literally. Note: Fort Worth is in Tarrant County and Hwy. 360 is a slab of asphalt that allegedly means something.

I saw Dallas Cowboys great Walt Garrison taking a dump on Dallas on TV the other day. I've lived in this area for a long, long time (like, 26 years) and I never truly realized the alleged anonmosity between these cities. Actually, I htink it's like Texas vs. Texas A&M. A&M (Fort Worth) really cares a lot. Texas (Dallas) doesn't care. Dallas appreciates and likes to contrast itself from Fort Worth. Meanwhile, Fort Worth goes out of its way to trash Dallas' traffic, crime, attitude and fast-paced lifestyle. Nevermind Fort Worth's traffic and ... um ... crime. Just hope the bickering and bullshit doesn't bleed over to our visitors who just want to know where to get some barbecue.

Traffic
I have a long commute. I drive a lot in and around the Metroplex. Traffic has been pretty good as of late. However, this is without the thousands of rental cars that will come with the media, fans, visitors, corporate jackwagons, NFL folk and team people this weekend. Dallas-Fort Worth has no real public transportation so these people will no choice but to get on the roads. And none of them will know alternate routes or the various other highways available for traffic. Good luck if you're on 360, I-35, I-20 and I-30.

People Get Bored
Fort Worth is fine. It has a downtown. I wouldn't get out of downtown becuase you might get stabbed in the face. However, the Stockyards, Sundance Square and the bulk of downtown Fort Worth will provide visitors plenty of shit to do.

Dallas and Arlington? Yikes. The thing with Dallas is that it has more actual areas for strip clubs, bars and restaurants, but you can't find them unless you know where they're at. There's Greenville, Knox-Henderson, Uptown, Northwest Highway and the like should be popular places to frequent. Explain that to the guy from Chicago, Seattle, Norfolk and Miami. It might become too much and they get bored and restless. Journalists need their strip clubs and alcohol.